An Open Letter to Mr. Brad Pitt

Dear Mr. Brad,

I hope that some day, when the giant flame of your star has burnt, your oeuvre will be dug up and re-examined.

Take The Assassination of Jesse James by the, whatever. The title's too long. No matter, you're in it and that's what we're talking about. You.

There you are, making the bold choice of a rugged look without the obvious prosthetic or fat suit, props that so often that engender acclaim. Bold.

Your wife in this is Mary Louise Parker. Is she going to speak at all? Or did she take this role for the same reason I would have, namely, she gets to "play" your wife. Of course, it's MLP, so she's not getting any further with that than I would, old Ang' is not losing any sleep over that one. But ya know, those co-stars are gonna keep getting younger. Paul Newman's done it, But I'm not so sure, despite the newfound love for motherhood, just how far Angie's come since wearing the vials of blood and sucking face at an awards show with her own brother. Take the news last week, even old Jen's laying bets. I hope poor old Jennifer Aniston isn't getting dragged out every time you change relationships? Not that you're changing anything. Are you?

Wow, Casey Affleck is AMAZING. And Sam Rockwell. Wow. "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" was so good, and now look at this performance. That other guy is great too. I kinda have no idea what's going on, but, thank God, you're back again.

Look at you with those kids onscreen. Is that why you and Jennifer broke up, she couldn't...ya know? Mmm, I'd love to have you pick me up and twirl me around.

Look at that, they did put a scar thing on you. No, two! Wait, one. Bold. Can you sing "reunited." We both are so excited now we're, re united hey hey..