Salvageable?

Once again I had sex too soon with someone and now I wonder if it's salvageable. What to say?

"Honey, I'd like to fuck you again but I need to assess the relationship potential first?"

Well, maybe that's exactly true, but then doesn't it feel like a job interview? And exactly what AM I looking for, once I've decided to have sex. I know I'm attracted to the dude. He has hair, teeth, a job... I suppose if I'm wondering whether or not he's going to contribute to my life, how he makes me feel...ugh. Here again. My husband made me feel great and wow did I manage to fuck that up. It's like, I'm back in 8th grade. I had a HUGE crush on Mike Fllanders. Totally in love with the guy. Wrote his name over and over, stared at him in class. Literally burned with desire that had no idea what it was for. Smart was his aphrodisiac. Always is with me.

He comes up to me one day and compliments my outfit, says I look nice. "Accidents happen," was my reply. Oy.

But typing this I think, uh, did I not end up in the EXACT SAME SPACE with my ex-husband? Doubting the veracity of his affection? His love? Why could I not accept that he really did want to please me?

On to the ricochet pattern...am I now looking for that special someone who makes me feel crappy, so I can know the worst is not yet to come?

Can we just call that the first step, recognizing it, owning it? And can I skip right on past to acceptance so I can be done with THAT?

So I guess that is what to "look" for. But how to do that without alerting him that's what I'm doing? I have never before not slept with a guy after having slept with him until I felt better about things, and I have no idea how to negotiate that shit. I"m thinking I don't want to put it as written above, do I need to put it any way at all, or do I just say, GREAT time, thanks. I have an early morning. 'Night!

OK, out of those two options, the last one's the best. I just know that's gonna be hard for me. Because goddamnit, I like sex, too. I miss the days of sport fucking, I do, but I fear they really are gone.