The last time I had sex

I've just been through another one of those merciful times where I haven't spent much time thinking about sex. Or, more specifically, the lack thereof.

Then there was Adam in yoga class this morning.

Not that Adam is my kind of guy, or possibly any woman's kind of guy. But, as is so typical of hatha practice, he touched me. Adjusted me, I mean. No, I mean touched.

After one posture I was lying face down on the ground and he came up beside me and I thought, o God, he's going to yank back my shoulders, I'm dying here... but no. Instead he pressed his fingertips into my shoulder blades, finding the many tensions stored there. I let my body go and dropped into the mat and just lay there, part of me wishing he'd never stop, part of me getting slightly embarassed that someone else in class might wonder what was going on, and part of me suddenly, inexplicably, wanting to cry. And then we moved on.

To baddha konasana. In this pose you place the soles of your feet together, using your elbows to press against your thighs while you reach forward with the crown of your head, taking your forehead to the floor. He asked us to lie on our backs following the pose, keeping the soles of our feet together. Again an adjustment, this time a very gentle pressure on my thighs. It was excruciating; I grimaced but tried to breathe into it. When he let off the pressure he squeezed my thigh, shin and then, delightfully, my feet. It sent a knife of longing coursing through me.

I was reminded of the opening scenes in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind, where the Jim Carrey character asks himself why he is so helplessly drawn to women who show him the slightest kindness. At the end of class I asked Adam if he gave massage. He said he did, but that he didn't have a card. Part of me wants to go and get a fabulous massage, part of me hopes he was just saying that because, in fact, what he wants, too, is to massage me, making the last time I had sex not so far in the distant past, but probably not any more likely in the near future, either. Assuming he's even straight, that is; not what I want.