I brought a little something home from Pune

Can I kick him out? Do I have the courage? Part of me thinks this is all fixable, and that’s why I never end anything. Hmm, the husband? What’s my pattern here? Oh, who fucking cares. He’s been a totally annoying twit and I want him to go. I mean, he has a lot of nerve showing up and being a total ass. Can I replay this in some way? Do I want to be bothered?

Maybe this is what it’s like to be a man. Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I had that thought… Seriously though, by having the lover, I’m fine. I have no fear that there will be a dearth of male attention. But is that really what drives me to stay? I have no fucking idea. For most men, or at least most of the men I believe I’ve spent any amount of time with, the idea of not being with another woman is not their driver. It’s not, well, this is better than nothing. (OK, Terry, but I’m not counting that as any real amount of time.) At least I hope not. Ugh. Maybe that was the case for some time with Geoff, if I break it down. There was a lot of feeling of relief within the relationship for me, a lot of, thank God I’m here and not there. And then there was the relief of, thank God he’s not here. Perhaps I am just hopelessly codependent. I’m not sure. I want to talk to Nick about this. Ha! Talk to the lover about codependency issues. Like that’ll work. At least it’s not the lover’s mother, as Jonathan once suggested his.