Helpless chick, anyone? Anyone?

The weather’s finally broken so it’s not godawful to sit outside. The three of us, on V’s patio, discussing the hows of attracting the opposite sex. When you are single and not attracting the oppostie sex, you begin to wonder how it ever happens. How do you go from, "the weather's getting nice" to "take off your clothes"? And how can I help along that leap?

You know when someone's attracted to you, or at least think you do. The worst thing is when you are caught and so find someone trying to back away. It's usually not terribly delicate. "We should grab lunch sometime." "I have a girlfriend." Uh, okay.

As a married woman--and yes, last time I checked with the attorney I still am!--I could fly safely under that radar. Use that attraction when I wanted to and still avoid the hideous pitfalls of rejection. I have a ring. See? A wedding ring.

I've finally stopped wearing the thing. Hello, hideous.

Like someone thinking you're attracted to them and you have no idea where they're getting it from. My neighbor, for instance. Lovely fellow. Irish. Ancient. I now and have never had any interest in shagging that. But I found out recently from a mutual friend he thought I was coming on to him. And if he could be that deluded, well, couldn't we all?

At some point in the course of our patio discussion T, referring to knowing me before and after my husband left tells me, “It’s like you were invisible before.” Perhaps I was a little more safely under the radar than I suspected.

But I was faithful. And, despite the fact I'm not terribly willing to give much of myself nor do I want too much of another, I still want monogamy. And there's the rub.

Men claim to want vulnerable women. But I've found no success in showing a vulnerable side. It seems to make them run away quickly. I cried on the phone three times yesterday, and the only person who could stay with it was a girlfriend. I even texted someone who's vaguely trying to get into my pants: omg, helluva day. help! Nothing. No response.

T explains vulnerable in an unusual way. He thinks if a woman lets her guard down and acts flirty that she's showing a vulnerable side. Have I missed something? Is that not the dance? Is it not a given that we all need sex? That's like saying showing someone you're hungry equates with exposing your needy side. What's vulnerable in the aftermath of the flirting?

Men abhor angry women. Men worry about hurting women’s feelings. Men are visual. T confirms these things but can’t answer for us the critical piece—what makes them stay? He’s trying to extricate from his current relationship.

There is some sweetspot between strong and helpless. I have no idea what it is.