Saftey first!
DeathCon III began, like all good Gulf adventures, at the mall. We needed provisions for the coming foray into the blazing desert.
Pocari Sweat.
Pringles.
Dark chocolate.
Condoms.
What?
Oh yes, condoms. Those weren't for the desert trip, rather, my coming foray into the jungle. But I had to strike when the opportunity presented itself. You see, while you can buy condoms here, I still have the little problem of being a married woman whose husband lives far far away. And dating's illegal.
Ever the optimist, I asked Eric to make my purchase.
"You're a guy!"
"But I'm married, too."
"But you don't live here!"
Still it was all I could do to get him up to the counter and then slink away.
Thinking back on it now, it's still a sign of the wrong-mindedness of my approach. I'm never going to meet a Boy Scout if I'm the one who's always prepared. Unable to reject the idea entirely, I've prepared a list.
1. Run screaming if he would be able to move into your house from his car, even if it is his own car.
2. When he takes you out on a date, particularly a big one like your birthday, go straight home if the cash machine fails him.
3. He can talk, think and act dirty. Jungle sounds should not be part of this repertoire.
4. Dump him if he won't take you to a friend's wedding.
5. When baggage comes out it's because he's surprising you with a fabulous holiday.
6. Pay attention to those alarm bells. I could have saved years if only I'd heeded the four-alarm siren that went off when Jonathan accused me of being bourgeois because I wanted him to remove the fast food wrappers he'd left in my car.
7. Be very suspicious of uncharacteristic behavior.
8. Listen. Men will tell you exactly what they want. They will not be convinced otherwise.
9. Let him convince you.
10. Sure, he'd cross the burning desert. But would he take out the garbage?
Post Script: There was no coming on either foray. God saw fit to send me off to the jungles of Borneo with a group that comprised, including our tour guide, six women. Those suckers are still in the travel kit. Ready for Thailand.
posted by Unknown @ 11:08 PM
3 Comments:
you are so absolutely right
I too can supply a list based on three husbands ( the eternal optimist). My own list goes out the window with a great kiss and a man who is insatiable for me. Surely an independent woman can supply all else that is needed. Isnt that why we strive for our own financial freedom? So we are free to choose our partner. It would be a sorry day for me - when I have to choose based on a man's income and his ability to "support me". On the other hand -- a handy list that we can stick to - is the ticket.
Anon--yes! the only thing worse than getting screwed financially is giving up control. None of us should be looking for daddy, but a partner. Someone who comes to the table ready to play. Right now I'm in a weird libido limbo, which means I'm not looking for anyone. More to the point! :)
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